I kid you not

This phrase, along with it's more vulgar version, I shit you not, are used to assure someone that you are totally serious. It's normally spoken very deliberately — one word at a time. You may also hear no joke or no shit with this same meaning.

_______________⦿ hot-ass | Adding -ass to an adjective is the same as saying really [ADJ] for the most part. Learn more here⦿ to pull up | To drive up or arrive driving a vehicle.⦿ a regular [CELEBRITY] | This type of phrase is used to compare a person to someone famous, to say that they look just like them. Learn more here. 

Adam tells his coworker, Dennis, about another coworker's hot girlfriend.


Adam: Yesterday, after the company picnic, I asked Carl if he needed a ride home and he was like "Nah, my girlfriend's picking me up." Dude, I kid you not... this hot-ass blond pulls up in a pickup — a regular Pamela Anderson.

Here, Adam could also have said: Dude, no joke/no shit... this hot-ass blond pulls up..."  

Nicky's brother, Frank, is between apartments and has been staying with him for a week.


Nicky: Frankie, I let you crash here because you're my brother, but the next time I come home to a sinkful of dirty dishes, you can find somewhere else to stay! I shit you not!

▶︎ Note that shit you is pronounced [ʃɪt̚.t̡yu]. 
_______________⦿ to crash | to sleep; especially at someone else's house when you don't have a place to stay or when it's too late to go to home to your own place.

How do you say this in your language? 

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